Getting to know a significant other...part 1

“I’ve always looked for someone like you”

“Like me? I’m not good enough?”

Eve Arden and Grouch Marx in At the circus

It might be a good idea to know yourself before you start knowing about others.

When I say that I mean:

-know who you are

-know how you appear to others

-know what you want from others

Know who you are

So, you say: “I know damn well who I am”. This is an extremely popular self-talk which it doesn’t have much power under magnifying spectacles. Or we might say: “I am always seeing the full glass.” When we do this self-talk, we write fairy tales about us and our lives. Just like that we create this character – me – which keeps acting behind our chosen disguise. Sometimes we are fearful to show ourselves without this mask. This disguise is good to put on at work for example.


What happens if we never take the mask off and we are always in disguise? Or even worse, we don’t know who’s is behind the mask we wear?

The problem with this is that when we choose a girlfriend/partner/ husband we might attract another mask.

Know how you appear to others

You say: “I know how they see me as”.

I say: “By which people?”

The thing is that we appear different to different people in different situations. Nothing strange about this. We have to adjust ourselves to the new environment. Somehow like a Chameleon, possibly.

We just can’t be the same in public as we are when home alone. We have to play different characters and wear the appropriate disguise for the particular time and location. What happens if we show a fixed face to a potential girlfriend/partner/significant other and then the mask falls, or it changes? What to do if the happy, calm, responsible disappear and the yelling mask emerges? Are we two different people or just different traits of a whole human being? That depends on how fixed and misleading your original disguise was.

Next blog is continued talking about…

Know how you appear to others

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Today we have learned from The really useful grown-ups guide to Dating & Mating

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