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Getting to know a significant other...part 2


We just can’t be the same in public as we are when home alone. We have to play different characters and wear the appropriate disguise for the particular time. What happens if we show a fixed face to a potential girlfriend/partner/significant other and then the mask falls, or it changes? What to do if the happy, calm, responsible disappear and the yelling mask emerges? Do we have two different people or just different traits of a human being? That depends on how fixed and misleading your original disguise was.


Why do I say that?

So, if you are starting a new relationship based on a fake impression of yourself, your best mask, because you want to present yourself as the Best Human, then you’ve got to be prepared to spend a lot of energy to keep up this disguise for as long as you can. There are no greater illusions or delusions than those we have about our own self. Remember Snow White? If mirrors could talk, we would be able to know lots more from it.


Mirror, mirror on the wall…

We often scrutinize others more than we do it to ourselves. Before you start dating, would you be able to hand in a comprehensive picture of yourself at the first try? Some of us are not just being coy but just haven’t looked in the mirror to ask who they really are or how they appear to others.


Body image

Some of us give too much attention to our body image and it is very often not very flattering. It might be a good idea and quite harmless to ask a close friend one questions like: “does my ass look big in this…?” or “Do I look too old for my age?”. Too many of us think that our imperfections make us less desirable or attractive. On the other side, some of us see a beaut smiling back at them when they are looking in the mirror. Be objective when you describe yourself after you looked in the mirror:


For example:

bald as a watermelon, cuddly, nice eyes, average looking, long legs, cellulite, hairy back, graceful, dimple in the chin etc.


Luckily, the most sensible grown-ups don’t specify a check list with demands for a date or mate. Some of us might have strict preferences but even those might agree to accept other attractive factors -like personality- in potential partners. Facets like character or disposition matter more on the long run.


Personality traits

Remember when I said about the disguise we wear? Behind the disguise we have core ingredients that make us, US.


Examples:

Witty, shy, jealous, intelligent, talk too much, moody, sensual

Be unbiased about the dominant personality attributes, etc.


Life style


The main thing that people see is what we do with ourselves: “What’s your job?”, “Where do you live?”. It constructs a basic picture of us, more often than seldom, incorrect but it is a start on categorizing others.


Examples:

Smoker, lives with the parents, avid reader, loves long walks by the beach, self-educated, divorced twice, foody, owns two cats,


We describe ourselves based on Body Image, Personality and Life Style. Based on that we announce and pronounce it in a way that we think it is attractive, not attractive and/or interesting.


It is extremely revealing if you make a list of your characteristics.






Next blog is continued about…

Know how you appear to others


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Today we have learned from The really useful grown-ups guide to Dating & Mating